07.13.08

Me: We talked tonight (or rather texted) about bricks being a wall built around my hearts. I know you let yours down (for the most part) for me, but I think the only proof that I had that I had let mine down for you was when I left...or at least decided or thought about leaving. Of course it killed a part of me when I actually decided to leave (a rather rash decision that for some reason I am so fond of lately), but in all honesty (if I am going to let you in you should know the truth...correct), it goes back to the day you sent me the email about me applying for law school somewhere else. When you said that you would no longer want to be with me if I wanted to go somewhere else, it was like someone had stabbed me in the chest and I did not know what to do. I wanted to be with you, but I didn't want such restrictions put upon me. Why does there always have to be an ultimatum. Why did not the possibility of staying together even while apart cross your mind. I sat there that day in "our" bedroom and I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed. I cried so much that I actually began to vomit. There I was lying on your bedroom floor completely split apart. Here on one hand I have you...that I did compromise so much for (even if you didn't think so) and on the other hand the rest of my life...the future...the possibilities. I told you that day that "I just want to be with you." That is true. I do want to be with you. But as much as I did or did not compromise, you did the same.